If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
