and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
