Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
