Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
