I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
