I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
