why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
