I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
