Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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