i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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