i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
