I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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