Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
