i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
