i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
