I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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