thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
NoShamevember. You game?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
