i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
