I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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