we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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