ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
