I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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