You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
