NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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