theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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