I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
