i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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