Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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