Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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