Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
