I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he thought i was a dude.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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