I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
