Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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