Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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