I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
