I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
