we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
