I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize