I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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