I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
