DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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