You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
