Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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