well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
