I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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