Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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