This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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