She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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