i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I believe in your delicious
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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