My brain says no but my pants say off.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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