Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
