i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
