Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize