Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, he came in my armpit
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
