as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
