Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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