in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
why is half of my head shaved?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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