im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
