i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
