i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
