I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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