I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
