I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
