did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
