Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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