when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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